It has been ages since I shared my crazy file, so strap in! (If you missed the previous signs/crazy stuff posts, check out the first, second, and third.)

Have you ever wondered who is responsible for all the signs, notices, and labels along the path? Somewhere there is a room full of people working away. There is Bored Betty, just doing the minimum to get by with no creativity at all. She is responsible for things like “Yield” and “Take as Directed”; you know, those missives that are just bland and to the point. On the other hand, her co-worker Charlie Cautious is working overtime creating every sign he can possibly think of to surround us with bubble wrap and keep us safe from every possible danger. He came up with the “Caution Hot” notice on coffee cups and the label on a Razor scooter stating “This product moves when used.” There is also Funny Francis, who gleefully creates signs and notes that just make us go hmmmm. Her forte is info like the label on the Midol Menstrual Complete box (women’s menstrual cramp medication) that says “Ask a doctor before use if you have difficulty urinating due to an enlarged prostate”. She also showed her stuff with the “Beware of Invisible Cows” sign on Mauna Kea in Hawaii. If I were a sign shop worker, my specialty would be sarcasm, but I’m sure Mr. Wonderful (MW) would say it would be sweetness and light. Ask him.

ROAD CHUCKLES AND QUESTIONS:

In quite a few states in the midwest, we saw signs just prior to guard rails that said “Guardrail Damage”. Some were temporary and some more permanent, but either way, my question is….why?? I guess they could be warning us so that we don’t hit the damaged area. After all, it isn’t structurally sound. But really, don’t we just, in general, not want to hit a guardrail, regardless of damage? And if we are headed that way, are we going to be able to avoid the damaged area because the sign warned us? We also noticed that they don’t necessarily remove the sign after fixing the damage, thus causing you to look for damage that isn’t even there. Hmmmmm. You know, that could cause an accident!!

Often cars and trucks turning onto a road bring dirt and mud with them. Pretty common, right? In Rusk, Texas, they felt the need to remind us.

Also in Texas, there was a sign saying “West Nile virus detected in the area.” Mosquitos are the culprit, but what do you do with that information? Are there people who go back or around because of that sign? And when, exactly was this detected? Since the life span of a mosquito is something like two weeks, in all likelihood, that little bugger was dead and gone before they even got the sign up.

In several states, we’ve seen “No Center Line” signs on roads that have recently been or are in the process of being paved. 1) Do drivers really need the center line to know where they are supposed to be driving? and 2) Why do they leave the signs up LONG after they have completed the paving job? Seriously, we were on one section of road that almost needed paving again, but that sign was still standing.

SQUIRREL: The road lines reminds me of a story…many years ago, not long after we first moved to North Carolina, I got a call from my tennis coach from Florida, Lori. Her son was coming up to Greensboro to interview for a job, and of course, we invited him to stay with us. He was born and raised in south Florida, where almost all roads are four lanes with medians, and those that aren’t have slower speed limits. When he came back from his first trip from our home into Greensboro, he was flabbergasted and a bit shaken by the 55 mph speed limit on NC-150. He said, “do you realize that is a close rate of 110?!?! What keeps the other guy on his side???!” He had to call his Mom and tell her about the “crazy” roads. I laughed and told him that most of those folks are doing more than 55 and sometimes you get a tractor in the mix doing 10 mph. He ultimately decided that he preferred Florida and headed home. It very well may have been his fear of the mad-driving North Carolinians.

In the HMMMMM category, there is a piece of pavement in Dupuyer, Montana, named Molly’s Nipple Road. MW’s response: “I really don’t know what to say about that.” Me either.

Glacier National Park is situated firmly in the middle of the Rocky Mountains and has some 150 pretty rugged peaks. That is why we were a little taken aback by a sign on Going to the Sun Road, the main road through the park, stating simply “Hill”. Really? I think that money could have been put to better use.

In Dunseith, North Dakota, the main drag through town is a “Designated Horse Route”. What’s not to LOVE about that?!

Heading through Napoleon, North Dakota, we came upon a sign stating “Probe Area”. I wasn’t too interested in driving through there and don’t even want to know.

North Dakota is on a roll! Near Ashley there was a sign that said “Hill Blocks View”. Really? Don’t they all? Why label that one? Are there people out there who don’t realize or believe that hills block views? Maybe it’s for the flat-earth crazies.

Those who travel off the beaten path in this beautiful country know that the word “road” can be used very loosely. County roads are sometimes dirt, or falling off of the side of a hill, or single-laned. In fact, the road to our barn is curvy, one-laned and requires a bit of skill and courtesy to navigate, especially with a fifth wheel. In the Dakotas we saw a sign repeatedly on little side roads between crop fields that said “No Maintenance No Travel Advised”. After some of the ones we’ve driven on without that warning, we decided to take heed. Those must be some TERRIBLE roads sure enough!!

The town of Geddes sits near the intersection of SD-50 and CR-34, both two-lane roads in southeast South Dakota. With a population of around 252, it’s a quaint, small town. That’s why we were surprised to see their sign as we approached: “Welcome to Geddes – Next Three Exits”. I guess “Next Three Turns” didn’t sound big league enough.

Once a week when we are on the road, I take off for the nearest town alone to do laundry. Driving in unfamiliar areas, I try to be extra careful about signage, lanes, etc. Platte, South Dakota, really threw me for a loop, though. Passing through a neighborhood there, I almost went through an intersection. In all fairness, there was no stop sign for me; no yield sign, either. I slammed on brakes, though, when I noticed that there were no signs for the cross-traffic either. NO. SIGNS. AT. ALL!! What is the protocol for an intersection without direction?? I drove through several other areas around town with the same setup. My choice…stop at every one. Keep an eye out, people! They are trying to trick us!!

I had no idea there were still tribal war chiefs!! One in Taos, New Mexico means business!

Most states in mountainous regions have signs that say “Falling Rock” or something similar. New Mexico decided a picture is worth, well in this case, two words. Then there is North Dakota, that didn’t want to commit to what was actually falling, but wanted to warn us, nonetheless.

Traveling through Illinois we saw this gem…”Police in St. Clair County Arrest Drunk Drivers”. Are there counties that don’t?! If so, I need a list to know where to avoid!!

In Morristown, Tennessee, there is the “Anonymous Charitable Donor Bridge”. Is it dedicated to a single donor who paid for the bridge, or to anyone who gives a donation anonymously?

In Austin, Texas, we passed this nugget. Can there really be enough peacocks crossing the road to warrant the expense of an actual sign. And as with deer and other crossing signs, how do the fowl actually know to cross there? Also, where do the pea hens cross? That’s a little sexist, don’t you think?

Not funny at all, but interesting if you are a member of my family…in San Antonio, Texas, we passed this exit sign. Us old Guillebeaus would like to let them know they spelled it incorrectly.

THOSE SILLY ENTREPRENEURS:

A Christian club in Kingsport, Tennessee is named “The Fire Escape”.

My Boogers call me YaYa, so I did a double-take when we passed “Yaya’s Thai Massage” in Dickinson, Texas. It’s just a little side business. *wink, wink*

If you drive anywhere in the state of Alabama, you will run across billboards for Alexander Shunnarah, an injury attorney. For many years, the ads have read “Call Me Alabama!” You know I’ve always been tempted to call and ask for Alabama, and I can’t possibly be the only one. We noticed on our last trip through that he’s dropped the slogan. Maybe he’s tired of the unintended consequence.

There are some clever ranch owners in Coleman, Texas. They own Oleo Acres…slogan “Just a Cheap Spread”.

Sign on a veterinary clinic in Durango, Colorado…”Show Us Your Kitties”.

Another creative slogan was at Wheat Montana Bakery & Deli in Three Forks, Montana…”We Hire Professional Loafers”.

Near Oxford, Alabama, we came across The Shed Shop, who’s slogan was “Where You Shop Sheds”. We liked the directional sign, too.

The sign at K & K Aggregate in Redstone, Montana, practically sings “We Will Rock You”. Can’t you just hear Freddie?!

A Sheridan, Wyoming, store promises…”Beer Will Cure What Ales You”. I don’t know about that, but I have heard that wine gives you less whine.

On the back of a wrecker in Savannah, Tennessee, we saw this jewel: “Hookin’ ain’t easy.” I’m sure the overalls he was wearing weren’t helping his progress. *wink wink*

In Platte, South Dakota, the directional sign read: “Five Mile Campground – One Mile South”. I feel they should have put that a few miles back.

A lovely florist in Leavenworth, Kansas, is named “The Land of Ah’z”.

A bakery in Napoleon, North Dakota, declared: “Cupcakes Are Just Muffins Who Dared to Dream!” Funny, as I typed that, I heard Kenny Nolan in my head singing “I like dreamin’, ’cause dreamin’ can make you mine”. Was it just the song, or am I really that obsessed with cupcakes?

In Rockdale, Texas, we saw our first TX Burger. Loved the slogan on the side of the building. They have a point.

JUST GENERAL HMMMMS AND HAHAS:

Bumper sticker in Morristown, Tennessee: “We are Bootleggers, Not Bootlickers”. Well, okay, Dude, but I don’t think I’d advertise like that.

We saw something like this more than once. It’s hard to enjoy the scenery on a nice walk while you are looking constantly at the ground for slithering devils! This one was in Lewellen, Nebraska:

Can’t remember where I saw this tidbit: “Bless Our Family…Those That We Like.”

The following was in a diner in Miller, South Dakota. I like their style:

A Savannah, Tennessee, bumper sticker read: “I Like Big Mutts and I Cannot Lie.” Props to the SirMixaLot fan.

While in a campground on Lake Ogallala just below the Lake McConaughy dam, we encountered this one. I’m not sure about you, but I would not be wasting time making phone calls if I witnessed a “dam failure” situation! Plus, does that mean 911 might not answer and I have to dial one or two 10-digit numbers????!!!!

Okay, I’m guessing this shop in Abilene, Texas, has had a few theft issues:

A little girl’s t-shirt at the rodeo in Cody, Wyoming: “I’ve Learned Crying Gets You Stuff. I’m Working on a Pony.” Parents haven’t figured out that they are really training us.

Saw this guy on a sportscast. No idea who he is, but he immediately brought to mind a staple of my youth, Mad Magazine.

At Buc-ee’s in Dickinson, Texas, an apron expressed my cooking philosophy…”I didn’t make it…I made it happen”. Okay, sometimes I do cook, but it’s not my favorite.

A couple for you deer hunters out there:

On the news a representative from Albuquerque Fire and Rescue gave us this invaluable, flash flood tip: “Stay out of storm drains.” I had to completely rethink my plans during storms.

We’ve been to a lot of lakes, but this sign was a first. It really was concrete, like one giant boat ramp.

Wifi network in Morristown, Tennessee…”DEA Surveillance”. Creative, unless it is actually our tax dollars at work. Then it’s just sad.

This gave me a chuckle:

Not a sign, but while looking online for a laundromat in Waurika, Oklahoma, this ad on Facebook marketplace (copied word for word) popped up in the search results: “FREE Washer/Dryer – Washer & Dryer Sets – Waurika…This is free! They do NOT work. First person to message me that they can pick up today and come get them NOW…can have them for free! You must be able to drive to Waurika to pick them up. No holds!” Questions: Are there lots of people trolling the marketplace looking for appliances that do not work? Are those people so competitive that a crowd would be jumping on any ad that pops up? If you were in the market for said broken appliance, would your need be so urgent as to drop everything and drive to Waurika to pick them up immediately? This woman might be merely dressing up an order for someone to haul off her trash.

The Burger King drive-thru in Abilene, Texas, is just playin’:

A personal favorite was in a diner in Napoleon, North Dakota: “Without Ice Cream There Would be Darkness and Chaos”. I believe them, so I try to keep it around as much as possible.

Years ago, as BFF Tina and I crossed into Montana, we stopped for pics. This sign just made my heart smile. What a way to honor those amazing people! Want to know what it takes to get on this sign? Check out these names at the Congressional Medal of Honor Society site.

We stop at a LOT of historical markers and sites with signage, and I sometimes find humor in the way things are written or words that I don’t know or understand. Lately, though, we’ve noticed a disturbing trend in the publicly displayed written word. As a Southerner, I’m well aware that our grammar is often incorrect: I say “fixin'” meaning “getting ready to”; everyone I know is fine with ending a sentence with a preposition e.g. “Where y’all from?”; I picked up “you guys” from my time in D.C., and it took me years to return to “y’all”, and many of my friends in Tennessee say “youins”; and when I write this blog, I’m pretty liberal with the ellipsis and often use odd structure like beginning a sentence with “and” or “but”. BUT…it seems to me that, if you are creating signage that will be read by people visiting a park, or courthouse, or historical site, you would go the extra mile and get it right. Proofreading has truly become a lost art!

A church sign near Lawrenceville, Illinois, read “Sign guy on vacation. See message inside.”

While near Muscle Shoals, Alabama, MW went into the bathroom at a convenience store and came out shaking his head. There was apparently a sign inside that said “Don’t pee in the trash.” Who does that when a toilet is right there?!

Just this week there was a sign on the door of the laundromat in Marshall, Minnesota, that threw me. Hand-written on plain white paper it said, “Please advise staff if you plan to use Clorox. One of our employees is allergic.” Question 1: No phone number was listed, there was no one actually on duty, and according to folks there, the owners are in and out without any degree of regularity. I didn’t need bleach, but what if I did? The bigger question, though, is WHO IS ALLERGIC TO BLEACH AND CHOOSES TO WORK AT A LAUNDROMAT??!! That seems like fate being slapped right in the face!

Well that empties the funny file for now. Next up, more Michigan, Wisconsin, and Minnesota. See you on the path!

Talisa

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